For the past...well, life, i have.
I always new i was lesbian. That was truth be told. A given if you will. But i have a severe problem with self image. Its not that people around me have a problem with my sexuality. Its the change. Its the other people. Its the people that dont know me. The people that wouldnt understand. The people that would tell everyone and eventually i would have no one because my friends would just leave. Lots of people would not talk to me, would make fun of me, etc. I can put that to the back of my mind. In the moment. But i cant forever. I will finally have a mental breakdown. Eventually
However i tried. I did. I told all my friends. They gave me that look. I caved and just slapped them on the shoulder saying i was just joking. Even know i wasnt.
Only two people know, for real, im lesbian. I dont know if thats ok or i just need to suck it up and not joke it off every. single. time. i want to be able to say something but i just cant no matter how hard i try. Not to mention the fact...im lonely, afraid, and have no one to talk to. Not my family, friends, most people dont like me so thats out of the question, no one.
I really need someone to be there for me. I need a real friend.